My first introduction to there being such a thing as a spiritual journey was in my teens when I read the book “The Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck, M.D. I believe it was also at this point that I became aware of my desire to study psychology.

From my father I learned that “God is Love and that whenever I feel Love, I am feeling God.” He told me that if there was anything I ever needed, all I had to do was pray and God would answer my prayers.

As a child and a young woman, I communicated with God through prayer and often contemplated how “God” is “Love”. It is my belief that this tangible connection to God helped me through my darkest times in both childhood and adulthood.

In addition to psychology, I was drawn to the metaphysical. I used to read my grandmother’s Angels on Earth magazine and contemplated the existence of angels.

It was my junior year of high school when my grandmother communicated that an angel visited her twice during open-heart surgery. She reported that each time, as she walked towards the light, an angel sat on her shoulder and informed her that “it’s not your time yet, Marion”. The doctor reported that she had died twice during surgery.

My grandmother graced this earth with her love and sweetness for another five years. I have since been told that she is one of my spirit guides.

Much of my spiritual journey has come through my trials and errors in finding inner peace and healing from depression and anxiety.

In college, I began to unravel the events and experiences of my childhood. At the beginning of my sophomore year, I became very physically ill. However, I felt there was emotional “stuff” that was causing the physical upset, so I began counseling. Later, I learned that I did have a flu virus.

Nonetheless, from life experience and studies, I believe that all physical illnesses and injuries are the result of unresolved emotional and mental distress (some of it buried for many years).

The college counselor urged me to take anti-depressants given my present depressed state. However, I would not follow suit. It wasn’t until my junior year, when I became scared that I may take my own life, that I was willing to give anti-depressants a try.

There was a point when I remember thinking to myself … “Wow, I actually feel happy for no reason for the first time in my life.” From this followed a fear that this “happiness” would not last.

Despite my newfound “happiness,” I still wasn’t satisfied with the fact that I was on antidepressants. I didn’t want to rely on drugs to make me happy. ‘Happiness in a bottle’ did not sit well with me.

Nonetheless, one thing that the antidepressants offered me was the safety net of going into painful guilt and shame that I had otherwise been unable to access prior to being on the antidepressants.

It was a doorway to the beginning of my freedom.

The rest of my twenties were characterized by trying out various counselors and antidepressants, as well as short-lived periods of time free from them. It didn’t seem that I could remain off them for long before I began to feel like life wasn’t worth living. I couldn’t understand how even my belief in God could not pull me out of the darkness.

In my mid-twenties, I experienced a mini-breakdown in which I left work for a month and a half to “pull myself together.” As frustrations with my marriage and work took hold, a lot of rage began to surface. It was at this point that my counselor encouraged me to attend Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) meetings.

I did some research and was in awe of how much I could relate to this unfamiliar term “codependency.” In desperation, I began attending CoDA meetings every week without fail. I wasn’t even sure how it was supposed to help me; I somehow trusted that it would.

Through working the 12 steps of CoDA and deepening my spiritual connection with God, I experienced wonderful changes in myself. In retrospect, as I bumped around in my “new skin,” I realize that I had not had the skills to share my changes with my husband in a way that was welcoming and non-threatening. Instead, I judged him and expected him to change, too, which only created resistance and pain.

Eventually, after reading self-help books on relationships, attending workshops, and going to marriage counseling, I realized that the gap between me and my husband was not going away. I felt that either I could stop changing so as to continue being the woman whom he married (and keep the peace!), or be willing to let go. The answer was clear as there was something “bigger” calling me, a service to humanity.

I have since learned that I am relentless when it comes to my development and awakening as a spiritual being. If at times I don’t feel like it, I remind myself that my ability to serve others correlates with how deeply I am willing to go myself.

Soon, as I began my single life, I met a man whom I learned many wonderful and beautiful things from. I had no idea how closed and protected I was and am grateful to him for standing for the complete openness of my heart.

One thing I am eternally grateful to him for was his complete support in my final journey to freedom from antidepressants. Shortly after our move from Boston, MA to Austin, TX, I stopped taking them. They were supposed to arrive in the mail, but never did. I wanted to be done with antidepressants, period. So I chose not to refill my prescription through a local pharmacy.

Without the love and encouragement of this significant man in my life, I do not know that I could have made it through the months that followed. And, had I not begun my training a few months later in Resonance Repatterning®, perhaps I would have succumbed once more to antidepressants.

As I began to give and receive Resonance Repatterning® sessions, my depression lifted. I believe that as I shifted my resonance with the energetic pattern of depression, all other efforts to lift the depression began to work. Before Resonance Repatterning®, it was as if it didn’t really matter what I did. Nothing seemed to make a difference despite my best efforts.

In less than a year, through the process of self-acceptance, physical exercise, self-expression, emotional release, prayer, vulnerability and authenticity in my relationships, proper nutrition, and with Resonance Repatterning® as the cornerstone, I found myself happily free of antidepressants, drugs that I had relied upon for over thirteen years.

I managed all of this while experiencing a major move, leaving a career of seven years, home sickness, and letting go of the romantic relationship and engagement that I had with this man with whom I moved to Austin, TX.

Now, here I am. Perhaps it could be said that I have been traveling along the ‘road less traveled’. It has been well worth the journey. And, I know it doesn’t stop here.

Through all that I’ve shared, I hope it makes a difference for others who are suffering and feel scared and alone in their own personal struggles. From my personal experience, I have discovered that it truly is possible to overcome the darkness. We each have access to love, joy, and peace!

To begin your own journey to freedom, love, joy, and peace contact Jennifer for a Resonance Repatterning® session.

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